Often, their former husbands did unpleasant things either during the marriage or the divorce (or both) and so a lot of these ladies really don’t want another man padding around the house scratching himself, watching sports on TV and making all the male bodily noises that they now find repugnant after a decade or two of living with their often now-hated ex.
Among the divorced men, a lot of them had a harrowing divorce experience themselves where they lost their families (or any least their family life), daily access to their kids and their homes (as in their physical residences, often necessitating an involuntary downsizing in accommodation).
The divorce itself probably cost a small fortune and the men still have to pay yeshiva tuition, camp tuition, child support and sometimes even the mortgages on their former homes.
Combine this with the relatively recent divorce boom in the Modern and centrist Orthodox communities and you have the makings of a midlife shiddach crisis.
The over-40 frum single population is not nearly as homogeneous as those in their early 20s.
Lastly, some never-marrieds are just a little bit odd or off – a condition that is often exacerbated over many years residing in microscopic Manhattan studio apartments talking to the walls and their cats.
A lot of the over-40’s have given-up on internet dating and going to singles events out of a sense of futility and ennui.
Study after study has shown that never-married women over 40 have the same odds of getting married as being struck by lightning (which is why parents are correct in pushing their young daughters to marry early) and even if they do manage to get hitched, having a child or two is fraught with huge expense (for medical intervention) and anxiety.
Manhattan has a large population of Orthodox women who will never have children. If a man is financially successful and perhaps reasonably attractive he can get married for the first time in his 40s but if by 50 he hasn’t tied the knot, women under 40 generally won’t consider him and he probably has a reputation of being commitment phobic, which earns him the sobriquet of “toxic bachelor.” The Divorced The escalating divorce rate in the Orthodox community apes the behavior of American society as a whole where there is a perception that quick and simple solutions exist to complex problems.
There are also some never-marrieds who are confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes who actually revel in the superficially fun lifestyle of dating someone new all the time.