When I thought about how I was spending my time, I was shocked to realize so much of it was spent dating.
And not just going on the actual dates: looking at profiles, responding to messages, all the mental space taken up by thinking about these guys.
Maybe I had made finding a partner much of a priority.
Despite having a ton of fun, it still felt sh*tty not having accomplished anything I'd set out to do this year.
It’s astonishingly self-aware, and is the kind of letter I wish I received more, instead of the one blaming men for all the ills of the world.
Then you read this letter by Emily Bracken posted on Medium and reposted on Huff Po. I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger. In the meantime, which of the things on Emily’s list will you admit to?
I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy. I could have written the same thing ten years ago, if only I were more self-aware.
I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not.I wasn’t going to waste time on people who didn’t share the same values, interests, or personality traits I'd ideally want in a partner.I’d had my fair share of “having fun” with guys I knew I wouldn’t marry, but as I grew older and watched my sisters find amazing partners to share their lives with, I realized that if this was something I really wanted, I needed to make it a bigger priority in my life. All signs pointed to online dating, so I spent a couple days crafting a killer profile that showed off my personality and passions. Lasting love is real, but it takes a real self-aware person to be a worthy partner. It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for ‘meh’ relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. This is my best stuff and I’m giving it to you absolutely free.I’ve heard what you do in the morning sets your mood for the rest of the day, so I knew it was a great opportunity to replace a bad habit with something productive.