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On that same note, you'll be aware of his bad fashion sense, his corny jokes, and his strange fondness for period pieces before you start dating him.

Similarly, don't start dating your best friend if you've just been brutally dumped by someone and you're feeling bad about yourself--or if your friend has just had a similar experience.

(If he's just broken up with someone after realizing how much he cares about you, that's a different story! If you suspect your friend might have a drinking problem, or you think you are struggling with an anxiety problem or other psychological disorder, I'd hold off temporarily on changing the boundaries of your relationship. Did you ever start dating your best friend as you were helping him through the worst--or most exciting--transition in his life? xxx--------------------------*Not his real name.--------------------------PS: Staci: I love your story! I'm glad it worked out--good for you, for being bold enough to lay it on the line! Faith, I'm sorry things didn't work out with your friend, but it sounds like you have a great outlook on it.

Lovelies: Yesterday, I was talking about how awesome it was to have Jake Stein* along on the weekend trip--and also talking about how Jake and I went from being best friends to being boyfriend-and-girlfriend for a brief period. " I said, thinking he was just feeling randy, and annoyed that he would risk our friendship on a whim. (Or, at least, MY insecurities.) His writing career was going well, and the work he did interested me. What's more, I was terrified we might ruin the friendship. And I really do think, after all, that the main problem was our lack of chemistry.

The question of our dating came up like this: Jake and I had gone back to his apartment for a nightcap after having dinner together ... But he told me he'd been mulling it over for a while, and he was serious about wanting to give things a go. And not having Jake in my life seemed unimaginably painful. Maybe incompatible phermones are to blame--who knows?

I had a great time with him--we were always laughing; always talking about interesting things; always comfortable discussing our emotions, fears and insecurities. In other words, it was hard to imagine a more ideal boyfriend. for whatever decidedly peculiar reason, I'd never felt an overwhelming urge to get it on with him.

Plus, he's very tall and quite handsome--an indubitably attractive guy (whom the ladies generally love).Why dating your best friend may be your best bet to finding true love.There's nothing quite like feeling a spark of attraction between you and someone you just met, but lately, we've been wondering whether it's better to date a friend, or at least somebody we've known longer than just a couple of weeks. Let's face it: during the first few months of dating someone new, it's easy to hold yourself together and pretend like you don't have a dark side (everybody has one).And who knows more about us than just our name and phone number? You downplay your insecurities in hope that he won't see you as clingy, and you suppress the fact that you occasionally get moody, jealous, or pointlessly angry.As a friend, he will not only be aware of your personal weaknesses, but he will know how to respond to them in a way that is constructive to the relationship and to your desire to improve yourself.Make sure whomever needs the help gets some treatment, and then let the dust settle for a month or two. And I think failed relationships really can teach us many valuable lessons that make it easier to make subsequent ones work. (Also, don't forget that even Harry and Sally broke up once before they finally got back together forever!

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