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"It's about reacquainting yourself with who you are today and what value you hold in a partnership," she said. The internal list we all have that makes finding your perfect partner as hard as lassoing a unicorn.

"A lot of people are still holding on to the old vision of themselves." 2. But holding on to that impossible list isn't fair to you or the men you date, Palmer said.

"Men don't want to chase women," Palmer said, laughing. men in their 50s and 60s know what they want, they know how to get it, so they don't go for the hard to get stuff." That doesn't mean you have to take the lead, Palmer said, but it does mean it's ok to show you're interested in the person. "They've been rejected since they were 14 years old at the dance.

We think we have to deal with rejection, but they've had it 100 times worse.

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"You don't need to share about your kids who are ungrateful, your bankruptcy case from five years ago or your gout," Palmer said. "Is he giving you the feelings that you've identified [are important to you] in your list?

It's about getting that intellect back and making good choices." If the person you've found continues to hit all the new and approved adult checkmarks you've made for yourself, great!

"It's about being intellectual with your beliefs and realizing they aren't true," instead of being completely emotional, she said. Whether it's getting online (which is how Palmer met her husband), classes, or social meetups for post 50s, "get out of your house, because a lot of us do the same routine everyday at [this] point in our lives," she said.

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